They Come In Threes
by avorialair
Summary: Three stories concerning the Doctor and Rose. Parody and Humour, not my usual writing style and definitely not to be taken seriously. However, if you're looking for humorous examples of fic that should never be written, read away. Challenge. [Complete]
1. A Very Telling Summer

Here's the thing. I got challenged to do a meme over at LJ. _"Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return, I will attempt to write them." _So, I come bearing three stories - all of them topics that I would never EVER have written before - and therefore they are parodies of my work and nothing I have taken seriously. I just thought those in search of humour might appreciate them. All three are dedicated to the very talented **Luna Lovegood5**, seeing as these are her challenges. Enjoy (?)

-I-

**Challenge One: "Put Yourself In A Story"**

**Author's Note:** Self-explanatory, really. It's set sometime in the summer and, yes, I really really _really_ hated writing this one. It felt arrogant, up-my-own-arse and ridiculously stupid. It's almost crack!fic for God's sake. But here we go nonetheless (and despite the hatred of writing it, the actual prose I don't think is too bad)... Tenth Doctor (and Rose).

* * *

**A Very Telling Summer**

She was asleep when it happened. In the dingy university accommodation rooms, the walls were so thin it was possible to hear absolutely everything that went on in the building, both inside and out. At first the noise didn't rouse her, as it started quietly. However, it became more and more persistent and eventually she became aware of what it was. She sat bolt up-right in bed, her eyes wide and her heart pounding in her chest. It was the sort of noise that terrified her because it made no literal sense, despite the fact that secretly – deep down in her heart – she had always wished it would happen. That didn't stop it being any less terrifying.

She ran to the window faster than the speed of light and peeled back the curtain. Although she could see nothing, she knew it was there. Half way down the hill, probably, or tucked away in the forest out of sight. Swallowing down a sudden wave of sickness, she ran to her chest of drawers and pulled out the first clothes she grabbed, not even looking at what they were. Pulling them on and stumbling over to the door at the same time (forget breakfast, this was by _far _more important) she started a hasty exit. It was the sort of moment that sickened her to her stomach because two very different worlds had suddenly collided, and that was not good. The Real World and the Fantasy World.

With fear and excitement fuelling her, she skidded out into the corridor and started to run, the sound still ringing in her ears despite the fact it had died down. She ran on, her heart flailing wildly in her chest.

It was a sound unlike any other humans should hear.

The sound of the TARDIS.

-I-

"So, here we are, then."

The Doctor stepped out and sucked in the cool sea breeze through his nose. It was a gorgeous view from up here, even if he did say so himself.

Rose poked her head out.

"Where did you say this was?"

The Doctor turned and smiled. "Aberyswyth!" he announced gleefully. "On the coast of West-Wales; lovely place. Do the best chips in the UK, if not the world – and I mean that. Pretty good ice-cream, too, come to think of it."

"So this is Earth?" she asked, leaving the TARDIS completely. The door clicked shut behind her.

"Yup. And just up there, up that hill, are the student halls for the university. And, in that direction, the National Library of Wales: did you know they have every Great Britain book ever published in there? Every single one? Oh, and if you turn around, you'll be able to see the town itself."

Rose did so and was astounded by what she saw. Streets and streets of building that looked as small as lego stretched out before her, all cramped together into the same valley. A bay stretched in a semi-circle around the town and the sea sparkled up a gleaming topaz.

He had landed on a hill of some sort, just on the edge of a wood, apparently to give them the 'nicest view of the town'.

The Doctor grinned. "Come on," he ventured, offering his hand for Rose to take. "We've got some exploring to do."

She happily took his hand, winding her fingers between his. They began to make their way down the hill when the Doctor became away of hurried footsteps crunching down the path behind them. He turned with a bemused expression.

"We've got company," he said quietly to Rose. She looked round with some shock.

A girl was running down the hill after them, no much older than seventeen. Brown hair flew out behind her as she fled and she was wearing rather loose-fitting trousers coupled with an absolutely hideous bright orange t-shirt.

To the Doctor's shock and dislike, she stopped as she reached them, panting hard. She then stared, open-mouthed, from one to the other and refused to do any more than that.

Rose took her hands from the Doctor's and stepped forward, frowning a little.

"Hello," she offered. "I'm Rose. Can we help you?"

"I know – who you are – " panted the girl. She pointed. "That's the Doctor."

He looked mildly surprised. "Yes, I am. And you are...?"

The girl seemed to find all this incredibly amusing and started laughing hysterically. Eventually she managed, "I'm Rowan. Nice to meet you. Wow. I can't believe I'm actually meeting the Doctor and Rose Tyler."

Or at least, that's what she meant to say. It came out more like a hysteric mass of squeals and giggles.

The Doctor blinked.

"What's going on?" Rose asked him from the corner of her mouth.

"I'm not sure..."

"Sorry," Rowan managed, at last seeming to keep her excitement to a bare minimum (and even that involved a lot of twitching). "It's just... wow... I didn't think you actually existed. But you do and... wow... this is incredible."

She sounded well-spoken, English almost, but also very, very nervous.

"Beg your pardon?" the Doctor asked with disbelief, feeling more and more uncomfortable every passing second. "Did you just say... you didn't think we existed?"

Rowan nodded excitedly. "But obviously you do." Then some sort of idea seemed to hit her and she smacked a hand to her forehead. "Wait, are you filming a new season? Are you here with the BBC? Have I just totally buggered up your shot? I'm sorry, I didn't think, I assumed – "

"What is she talking about?" Rose whispered to the Doctor, her eyes wide.

He shrugged and replied quietly, "Only one way to find out..." he stepped forward, interrupting Rowan mid-sentence. She didn't really mind, given the circumstances.

"Okay, let me get this straight. You know of Rose and me. How?"

Rowan's eyes widened and for a moment she was speechless. Then she let out a bark of laughter, apparently very pleased with herself.

"I knew it! I _knew_ you two were the real thing! I mean, you guys look exactly like David Tennant and Billie Piper – although I guess you would, really – but no way would the Beeb let her back on the show so soon. Which means, you guys are _the_ Doctor and Rose and... I think I'm going to have to sit down..."

"She's raving," Rose commented. "Doctor, I think we'd better leave her..."

"Nonsense! Fun for all the family." His fake smile didn't fool Rose for a second and she was happy when he then took her arm and pulled her over to one side, out of earshot of Rowan – who was now waving her arms frantically and pacing back and forth, as though trying to work something out. His grin faded. "If this place has knowledge of us, both you and I are going to be in some very serious danger. We'll find out what she knows, how, destroy the evidence and I'll wipe her memory with the sonic screwdriver. Then we might actually be able to get back to having a holiday."

Rose nodded, albeit a little uncertainly. The Doctor turned back to Rowan, who was watching them with large hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologised sincerely. "For acting like I'm gone in the head. I'm not, really. Honestly, if you'd have been anyone else I'd probably still be in bed. But this is so unbelievable that – "

"Okay, first things first, you obviously know us both. How much? And where did you get your information?"

Rowan smiled knowingly. "Ooh!" she exclaimed, not being able to hide her joy. "Are you thinking I've found your name on the Internet, or something, and are hoping to erase all traces with a virus? Like you did in season one when you gave Mickey the Bad Wolf virus to destroy any and all mentions of you? Because honestly, that would be _cool_."

The Doctor just stared, having heard a very large amount of words in a very small space of time.

"How... did you know about that...?" he asked, completely bewildered. Rose fidgeted uncomfortably, stepping from one foot to the other.

"Same as everyone else," Rowan grinned. "Watched it on TV the year before last."

"Excuse me?"

She laughed to herself. "I always thought you were real. Deep down. How are you here, though?"

"Did you just say you watched us on the _TV_?"

"Oh my God." Rowan stopped dead as her eyes fell on something. "That's... that's the TARDIS. Oh my _God_, it's the actual TARDIS! I'm standing by the actual TARDIS! Can I touch it?"

The Doctor's face suddenly became deadly serious. "How do you know about the TARDIS," he growled.

Rowan grinned. "Easy. BBC Wales. 'Time And Relative Dimension In Space' – although, a lot of people argue whether it's Dimension_s_ or Dimension. It's your time-and-space ship that gets you from A to B. And you're the last Time Lord because of what happened in the Time War, and this is Rose who you picked up in you ninth life after she helped you defeat the Nestene Consciousness by swinging on a chain to save your life. You've regenerated since then because of what happened at the Space Station – I see you still haven't gone back for Jack yet. He's alive, by the way, if you didn't know – "

"Okay enough!" the Doctor shouted, his eyes wide. "I thought I could talk, but blimey." Rowan made to say something else, but he cut across her. "Shhh! Let me think." She closed her mouth obediently. "And no, you can't touch the TARDIS."

He turned back to Rose and let out a breath. "Apparently she knows everything we've ever done."

"So I heard."

"What d'you think?"

"I think we leave and never come back."

"Rose, we can't. If there's information about us out there then I have to destroy it before it puts you life at risk. Both of our lives at risk."

"Can't we just wipe her memory?"

"Depends how many others like her there are. She's a human, just an ordinary human – the most dangerous thing in the world."

"Ask her, then."

The Doctor frowned. "Ask her what?"

"How many people know about us. She seems to know everything else."

"You're amazing sometimes," he grinned affectionately. "I'd never have thought of that. No wonder I picked you up. Anyway – " The Doctor turned back to Rowan, who was trying very hard not to say anything for fear of being snapped at again.

"How many know about us?" he asked warily.

Rowan shrugged. "Hard to say. Anyone who watches the show, I guess. Few million, at least."

"A few... million...?" The Doctor's jaw dropped slightly. "Rose, I think we're in serious trouble." he then turned back with a frown. "Did you just say 'show'?"

"Yeah. You know. 'Doctor who' - with David Tennant and Freema Agyeman. Only obviously, when it was you, it was Billie Piper."

"No, I don't 'know'," he snapped with worried bitterness. "I don't know who or what you're talking about. This doesn't make sense!"

Rose frowned hard, thinking. She looked to Rowan, who looked back expectantly.

"So..." she began, rather doubtfully, "you're telling me that you've watched me and the Doctor on TV? Like... I dunno, some sort of TV show? Reality show?"

"Not reality," Rowan corrected, shaking her head. "Sci-fi."

"Fiction, then," the Doctor came in with. She nodded back and he gave a gleeful yelp. "Rose, I've figured it out. Brain like mine, only a matter of time, really. Anyway – you remember that shake we had on the way here? The one that made me reset the coordinates for the TARDIS?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"I thought it seemed familiar. Now I know what it was. We crossed a dimension. Not fell through a crack in time, exactly, just sort of... skipped over. It's hard to explain. But since I found a way back to you, the consequence of that is probably that the links between universes have been getting weaker. This is a world that has a very different dimension between what's real and what's imagination. You find it happens sometimes, when something catastrophic happens to cause a glitch in time and space."

Rose's eyes widened with realisation. "The Time War?"

"The Time War," the Doctor confirmed, nodding. "It must have created this universe through repercussions, when the boundary between fiction and non-fiction became less defined. So even though the recounts of the Time War and my connections to it are known in this universe, it's titled as 'fiction' so that the universe can still function without imploding into nothing. Intense stuff if you pay too much attention to it."

Rowan stared between them. "Okay, I think I'm definitely going to need that sit down."

"Does that mean there's nothing to worry about, then?" Rose asked, ignoring her.

The Doctor smiled. "Not a thing – well, unless you count the apparent millions of avid viewers and fans to 'the show'. We'll have to see about getting back across the void, though. Shouldn't be too difficult." He winked at Rose, who blushed and then smiled.

Rowan looked on confused.

"Right then!" the Doctor continued with a grin, turning to the bemused seventeen-year-old. "I suppose we'd better be off! No point in hanging around in this universe, we might end up having it imploded by accident."

"Not talking from experience?" Rowan probed with a cheeky smile.

"Wouldn't you like to know. Thanks for the help, then, and... I guess... enjoy the show."

He gave Rose a head-tilt which signified 'unlock the TARDIS door' and, obediently, she began fumbling for her key.

"Doctor..." Rowan started a little nervously. He raised an eyebrow and she looked to floor, finding his presence now quite unnerving. "It's all real then? Aliens and time-travel and... well, your life?"

"My life is very real, yes. The world you live in just doesn't know it, and probably never will. And now, we should be leaving."

"Okay, but one more thing. Martha – what happens to her? And Rose, how d'you get her back?"

The Doctor, who already had one foot inside the ship, winked.

"You'll just have to wait and see, won't you? Have a good life, Rowan, and remember to keep dreaming."

Rose's head poked out behind him. "Don't listen to a word he says, he's just an arrogant git."

"And not as enigmatic as he thinks he is," Rowan added. The two girls laughed and the Doctor looked quite affronted.

"All right, all right, enough of the pleasantries. Come on you, in. Before us being here starts to have a further effect on things."

"Bye, Rowan," Rose smiled.

Rowan smiled back and watched the door closed. As the TARDIS wind kicked up round her and the machine started fading in and out of existence, she started to think over the last fifteen minutes in her mind.

She then turned, making her way back up to the university halls. When she had signed up for this summer course, she'd had no idea what would have been in store. Just as well, by the sound of it, otherwise the Doctor and Rose could have travelled about with no idea of what their presence was doing to the universe. Except, somebody else would have noticed them, surely...

She smiled to herself. When she got back inside, there was some fanfiction on her computer that was definitely going to get some updating.


	2. Blame the Driver

**Challenge Two: "Crossover with a TV Show you hate (of your choice)"**

**Author's Note:** Can I just say, it was really difficult choosing a show I hated for this one? At first I thought Big Brother, but that's already been done (and, courtesy of most of the rest of that episode, so have a lot of other reality TV shows), so that's a no-go. Catherine Tate, we saw that for this year's children in need. And apart from Doctor Who, I haven't actually _watched_ TV that much in three years – and even if I had, I wouldn't exactly be watching shows I didn't like. So Rach, once I find you after posting this, I'm so going to get you back big time Anyway, I'm not telling you what the show is. You'll have to guess (even if it is particularly poor characterisation). Ninth Doctor (and Rose).

* * *

**II. Blame the Driver  
**

He found it very strange, stepping out and not knowing when or where he was. He had set the coordinates for Earth, yes, but other than that the TARDIS had completely taken control. They appeared to be in some sort of meadow, on a hill according to the diagnostics, and the Doctor, with much grinning to Rose, opened the door with a flourish and a smile onto whatever adventure they would next find themselves –

– only to come face to face with a rather angry looking woman. She had dark hair down to her midriff, a well-cut fringe, piercing blue eyes that seemed almost purple and she was also wearing some sort of armour which showed off rather a lot of her... attributes.

Rose stared out behind him, eyes wide.

"Doctor, who's that?"

"How should I know?" he asked, turning around. "Just met her."

He stepped outside into the fresh air, and noticed the woman had a friend with her, some sort of companion. She was slighter than the dark-haired woman, as well as blonde and wearing a very disarming expression. The dark-haired woman, however, was not.

"Hello," he said charmingly, giving a small wave and a smile to their comrades. Rose followed cautiously behind him, shutting the door.

"Where are we?"

The dark-haired woman reached to her waist and unsheathed what appeared to be a short sword. The metal hissed venomously against its holder as it was drawn into open air. The Doctor eyed it, eyes wide, and his smile faded somewhat.

"Oh. Not friendly, then," he reasoned, glancing to Rose. "And as for where we are, I've no idea. Meadow of some sort, but other than that, not a clue."

"Who are you?" the woman asked, teeth bared and eyes glancing to the 1940s blue police box. "How did you get here?"

"Oh, sorry, how rude of me. I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose Tyler."

She gave a cursory wave after the Doctor signified her to do so, but her eyes were fixed on the gleaming blade.

"Your box," replied the dark-haired woman airily, waving towards it with her hand, "some sort of teleportation device?"

"Er – something like that, yeah." The Doctor turned to face Rose a moment and said quietly, "America, that's where we are – by the sound of it, anyway. Some sort of, I dunno, mediaeval time by the look of it. Just stay close and follow my lead, got it?"

She nodded. "Got it."

The Doctor turned back just in time to get a face full of sword. He stared at the tip of the blade, his eyes crossing slightly. "Bad time?"

"Wherever you're from, it's not from this world. What are you doing here?"

"Clever woman, you are. But we're just passing through – honestly, we're no threat. No need to go cutting anyone up or anything so nasty as that."

His gaze clashed with the woman's, blue on steely blue, and they seemed to share an understanding. She lowered he sword, but did not sheathe it.

"Gabrielle," she said to her associate, "what do you make of this?"

"I'm not sure," said the young woman – presumably Gabrielle – as she stepped forward. "Work of Ares, maybe?"

"Hmm, maybe. They don't look like people from our time, that's for sure."

"Oi, Rose, these lot are cleverer than yours," the Doctor threw back over his shoulder. He looked again. "Bit short on clothes, though."

The dark-haired woman caught his eye. "Did you say you were a Doctor?"

"Depends what for – why?"

"I need someone on my team who can heal wounds. Not sure if I can trust you..."

The Doctor almost laughed. "Sorry, I don't go joining up with people willy-nilly. Besides, I'm not the one brandishing a sword."

She took note and replaced it in its holder. "Gabrielle," she addressed her friend, who looked up with a gentle smile. "I think we'll need an extra two beds at the camp tonight. These two can stay with us, until they find their feet."

"Oh, no, we really you should be going – "

"Are you under the impression you have a choice, Doctor?" laughed the dark-haired woman hollowly. "I'm sure we'll find some use for you yet. Gabrielle? Seize the girl."

"If you say so," she shrugged, and started towards Rose.

"Stay away from her," the Doctor ordered, and Gabrielle stopped. He met eyes with the darker haired woman. "All right, I'll come with you if that's what you want. Just leave her alone."

"Doctor!"

"Rose, it's all right." He turned around, smiling. "I'm a professional, remember? But before I come with you," he carried on, looking back to the woman again,"I've left my kit indoors. D'you mind if I fetch it? I'm a bit useless otherwise."

Her eyes narrowed. "And how do I know you won't just teleport off somewhere, hmm? You're a danger to us and others people, that much I can tell; I can't just let you go wandering off."

The Doctor couldn't be sure, but he would have sworn he heard Rose mutter 'tell me about it' to herself. However, keeping up the act, he rummaged around one of the inside pockets in his jacket. Presently, he found what he was looking for and chucked it over to the woman.

"There. Won't start up without that, it's the initiation field." In truth, it was a metal button from the sixty-third century – but she didn't know that.

"You've got two minutes."

"Mind if my assistant help me carry my stuff out? There's quite a lot of it – I don't want to forget any."

"Just hurry up."

He caught Rose's eye and the started slowly walking back to the TARDIS.

"Plan?" she whispered.

"Run like mad," he answered.

As soon as they were at the door he dashed to the controls and Rose slammed the door shut. Within seconds the TARDIS was blinking out of existence, leaving behind what may have turned out to be a rather messy adventure. The Doctor certainly hadn't been keen on the look of those knives.

Rose, her back against the door, laughed. "Who they hell were they, then?"

"Rose, don't think I'm mad or anything, but I think you and I were just chin wagging with Xena."

She stared. "As in Warrior Princess?"

"As in ex-goddess, fighting-to-redeem-her-sins Xena, yeah. It was Greece where we were, not America. Couldn't tell from the countryside, they're all of a likeness. But it's safe to say it's just as well we escaped – she has a reputation for preying on men. I might well have ended up semi-naked and shackled to a wall."

He was busy with the controls and didn't look up once while he worked.

"Yeah, bet you would have hated that," Rose teased sarcastically.

At this he did look up. "Hey now, there's only one woman in the universe I'd be happy to shackle me to a wall."

Rose's eyes sparkled. "Oh yeah? Who's that then?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you. And as for you," he added, seemingly speaking to the controls of his TARDIS. He disappeared behind the mainframe for a moment and re-emerged holding a small hammer. He whacked the top of the console. "That's the last time I'm letting _you_ drive."


	3. Sin City

**Challenge Three: "The Doctor and Rose get very drunk and end up doing something stupid"**

**Author's Note:** I'm oddly fond of it this. Oh, and the Doctor isn't (that) out of character in this one, it's just a Time Lord's version of a hangover (ie, he becomes more happy-go-lucky and the world is full of bright happy sunshine all the time and nothing is ever sad... etc... it's surprising he didn't get drunk after the Time War. For all I know, he did) Anyway ahem I bring you...! Tenth Doctor (and a rather hungover Rose)

* * *

**III. Sin City**

Rose had not awoken with a hangover in a very, very long time. The last time would have been Shareen's eighteenth, where the entire lot of them had got completely hammered and woken up with only vague memories of what was supposedly a very fun night, despite the fact that a good few of them were under the age limit.

Of course, that would have been some time ago and considering she hadn't really had a drink in about a year or so (at least), it was not surprising to wake up and find her head feeling as though some bastard was hitting it with a sledgehammer, while his mate drilled a hole in her brain from the inside out.

She reached a groggy hand to her frizzy, tangled mass of hair and winced – even movement sent pain shooting right the way through her temples. She felt sick, horribly so, and tired like she had just spent the last twenty hours in a room with very bright lights and taking nothing but sleeping pills. Her throat was raw, as if a good part of the time beforehand had been used to chuck up whatever it was she had been drinking.

It hurt to think. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to simply live.

It was all she good to just lie there and survive, curled up in the suffocating warmth of her bed. And, Rose realised after a moment or two, she needed the toilet. Well, it would have to wait, because there was no way she was risking moving a muscle until the aching throb of every organ in her body had stopped.

She couldn't even remember... well, anything. If she tried – which she wished she wouldn't, because her head screamed bloody murder at her for the effort – she could just about remember stumbling out of the TARDIS with the Doctor, heading to... to _some_where... with lots of lights and music and sounds and cat-calls and alcohol. Oh, yes. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Rose shut her eyes in an attempt to drown out everything that was alive in her room. Perhaps if she could just pretend she were dead, it might happen, and she would be spared the horrific feeling of a skewer being injected right the way down her body, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.

She had just about managed to convince herself that her heart had stopped beating when her bedroom door banged open wildly and loudly, and an over ecstatic man with shrill, sing-song voice and ridiculous grin waltzed into the room. Rose felt like just about every single nerve in her body had shattered into millions of shards which were now tearing at every part of her they could reach.

"Wakey wakey, rise and shine!" called a rapturous voice, singing a song of merriment in its greeting.

Rose couldn't open her eyes, could barely even groan out his name in disdain.

The voice got closer until it was practically suffocating her, and then the light depth changed and she got the distinct impression he was standing over her. With impressive effort, she managed to open her eyes. A large face swam completely into view, two round eyes, a well accentuated nose and full lips that were pulled back into a devastating grin.

"Hello!" he said loudly, staring at her intensely.

She could have murdered him, given the strength. Of all the times to bound in and wake her with a loud voice and attitude that made her want to throw up, he had to choose the one morning where she felt ill enough to just drip out of bed.

"Doc_tor_..." she complained with a whine.

He straightened and grinned, rapping his knuckles on the side of her head.

"You, sleepy head, have been asleep for _hours_," he grinned, seeming to completely miss her reluctance to want him in her bedroom. "Wasn't last night just fan_tas_tic? Honestly, I've never felt such a buzz like that before, Rose! That was one of the most incredible nights of my – "

"Just shut up," Rose snapped bitterly, bringing her hand to her head again in an attempt to try and stop the persistent headache he had just made worse – it felt a bit like world war three in there.

The Doctor looked wounded. "What's got in to you, then, moody pants? You seemed perfectly happy with my ramblings last night. Oh, don't give me that look Rose." He grinned when she shot daggers at him. "Don't tell me you didn't just _love_ it too. Go on, I dare you; say you didn't! It was amazing!"

"Doctor!" Rose shouted through her sore throat, which only made it worse. "Either shut up or fetch me some paracetamol, yeah?"

His face instantly dropped.

"Paracetamol?" he asked worriedly, sitting down beside her on the bed with a bounce. Rose felt her stomach threaten her violently and she screwed her eyes shut. "What's wrong?" the Doctor asked.

Too busy fighting the rising tide in her gut, Rose couldn't answer.

The Doctor, frowning slightly, reached out a hand to her forehead.

"Good God," he muttered quietly, brushing his thumb over her forehead. He recoiled then grinned again, his voice hitting about thirty on the decibel scale. "You're absolutely boiling. Did you know that?"

"Yes!" she shot tersely through closed eyes, then instantly slapped a hand to her mouth.

"Dear me, Rose, you really are awful today, aren't you? What's the matter? 'Girly problems'? Oh, I bet it is, isn't it? It's your time of the month! You know, that's always fascinated me, that has. Maybe one of these days you could sit me down and expl– "

"Hang – Over!" she choked from behind her hand, too tired and disorientated to correct him further.

The Doctor's eyes widened with wonder. "_Really_?" he asked loudly with a large, boyish grin and an excited tint in his voice. "Fascinating. I don't think I've ever seen you with a hangover before, Rose. Isn't it wonderful? I love hangovers, really. One of my favourite parts about drinking – hangovers are fan_tas_tic! Wouldn't you say? Nothing beats an uplifting experience like that. Well, except maybe last night when – "

"If you don't _shut up_," Rose hiccuped, sliding her hand from her mouth, "I am gonna ram that tie down your throat. Got it?"

The Doctor blinked. "You're not really on top of your game today, are you? You may not have noticed, but I'm not wearing a tie."

Rose groaned and rolled over onto her side, her back facing the Doctor. She couldn't deal with him right now. She wanted to just lie here forever, drowning and possibly even dying, and hoping for the loud, horrible man to just sod off and go away.

She reached sleepily to her temple, where the man in her head had started drilling again. Something cool grazed her cheek and, confused, she opened an eye and blearily looked at her hand.

What she saw made her blood run cold and her sickness to fall away enough that she could sit up in bed with a startled jump. Everything still hurt, but suddenly, this was much more important. She began panting heavily, staring at her hand, her fingers spread wide as she gaped.

"Doctor," she gasped, eyes wide with fright. "Doctor, what the hell is _that_?"

The Doctor – who had seemingly gone off into a ramble for his own purposes – stopped mid sentence and looked at her.

He hummed laughingly and grinned, tilting his head affectionately and looking at Rose with an open-mouthed smile.

"Oh, that's nothing," he smiled happily, his lazy grin adding a lilt to his voice. "That's just your wedding ring."

Her mouth fell open in terrified surprise and she turned in her bed to look at him.

"Wed – _Wedding ring_?!" she practically shouted. "Why do I have a wedding ring, Doctor?"

The Doctor giggled. "Your voice has gone all high," he laughed hysterically. He then held up his hand, too, holding it next to hers in the air.

"I've got one too," he smiled stupidly, wiggling his fingers. "It's pretty. Don't you think it's pretty, Rose?"

She couldn't answer. She was transfixed with horror. Oh God. How did...? _How_?

"Rose?" the Doctor asked again with a grin.

Silence, again.

The Doctor heaved an exaggerated sigh, then bounded up off the bed.

"Tell you what, though," he smirked, turning his hand over to stare at the golden band on his fourth finger, "I always wanted to get married in Vegas."

**La fine **

* * *

**Author's Note**: You're probably going to think I'm mad after that. I probably am. Nonetheless, I enjoyed writing them and, like I said, they are not to be taken seriously. It's all the name of good-humoured fic making. Want to challenge me? Feel free to head over my LJ and do just that.**  
**


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